Lessons Learned in Bed.

Back when I was still a single lady about town, my priorities were a bit off when it came to homemaking. Why bother with adult necessities like closet organization and a bed when you can purchase the cutest shoe-shaped items for your primarily pink bathroom?

My bathroom circa 2008. Imagine my heartache when I had to gender neutralize it for my boyfriend in 2010.

My bathroom circa 2008. Imagine my heartache when I had to gender neutralize it for my boyfriend in 2010.

The absence of an adult-sized bed never bothered me. I happily slept on a full-size mattress, haphazardly thrown on an old futon frame. However, after a romantic whirlwind dating experience with my guy, we soon found ourselves living together and sharing everything. Including my full-size mattress and frame. And oh what a joy that was.

This past weekend, after three years of sharing a bed that is sized for one grown adult, we upgraded to a queen-size bed. When I laid down on the new bed Saturday afternoon, I was suddenly riddled with a terrible case of narcolepsy. Simply put, I cannot keep my eyes open when I sink into the sultry softness of the new mattress. She’s quite the tease, accentuating her memory foam loveliness.

credit: twistedsifter.com

credit: twistedsifter.com

With a new-found love for mattresses, frames, and box springs, my memory has skipped merrily through the hallways of my brain, taking note of various moments and lessons I picked up along the way. In bed.

Lesson: Always listen to your Mom. She’s right more often than not.
An ugly, ragged pink scar stares angrily from my knee as a result of a bed jumping incident my mother warned me about. Thank you, broken mattress spring, for hiding below trash, magazines, and clutter until you had the opportunity to attack my fragile skin. A year or so after I ripped my knee open on the bed, I fractured my neck by completing an Olympic-esque back flip (er, slip) off the bed on to a vacuum.

Sorry for not listening, Mom. Thanks for paying thousands in medical bills.

Lesson: Be kind to your siblings and they can open up a whole new world to you.
As a child, it didn’t take long to realize the benefits of playing nice with my brother. When I presented self-control and stopped myself from smashing his head open with a baseball bat (sadly, a true story for another time), we would have beautiful afternoons that passed into evening with just a blink of the eye.

Once I learned to stay on his good side, I would gather a pillow or blanket, find the “sweet spot” on the bed, and get ready for a tale. He would rattle off stories of his own adventures or pick up where we left off in ‘The Princess Bride‘. With every word spoken, I’d travel from a small humdrum town to the magical setting of Buttercup and Westley’s quest.

That surely beat being chased around the house with a weapon of sorts, screaming bloody murder.

Lesson: No matter how much you love something/someone, you have to give it space.
While I consider my morkie to be the world’s cutest living thing, we all need to give space to who and what we love.

In other words, at first it may seem to be a great idea to snuggle with your new puppy overnight. However, waking up at 3:00am in a pee-filled bed with a proud puppy gloating over his gift to you is slightly less than glamorous.

I should probably charge you $10.00 just to look at his adorable face. But I won't. Because I'm nice like that.

I should probably charge you money just to look at his adorable face. But I won’t. Because I’m nice like that.

22 responses to “Lessons Learned in Bed.

  1. The last bit about pets on the bed, amen! My boyfriend’s dog takes up more of the bed than I do. And the cat? He curls around my head on my pillow.

    • Worst decision of my life: allowing my pets to sleep in my bed. I normally sleep with my pooch above my head, one cat on my hip and one cat at my feet. It’s so claustrophobic and I have no one to blame but myself!

  2. These are excellent lessons. Also I’m obsessed with your circa-2008 bathroom and want it for myself, my boyfriend can just deal.

    • I secretly miss it, I won’t lie. I miss all my themed and decorated rooms. With my boyfriend living with me, it’s just stuff thrown about in random rooms, wherever it will fit. My poor single-girl-heart would cry if she could see it now.

  3. prosewithabbitude

    I know exactly how you feel (minus the pets). I went from a box sized studio apartment of my own to living with my boyfriend in a much larger two bedroom apt. We moved in together back in Oct and I am STILL adjusting. It’s the little things – having to shut the door when I go to the bathroom, grocery shopping and realizing all the food isn’t just about what I like and he thinking the living room is his bedroom.

    • I remember the first time I lived with a boyfriend when I was younger, I was so concerned with bathroom habits. I never wanted to stay in the bathroom too long because then he’d know I was working on a bathroom situation that is sometimes considered less than lady-like.

      Now, I couldn’t care less – we keep the bathroom door open at all times… but we also have been living together for three years. That comfort will come in time!

      • prosewithabbitude

        Agreed the niches work themselves out. I was married perviously, but had been a good 5-6 years of divorced single life before the readjustment. It is interesting to see the differences of living rituals in this relationship compared to the last one.

        • I give you a lot of credit! I adore the speckles out of my significant other, but if something happened and I was single again for 5-6 years, I don’t think I’d ever give my freedom up again! Haha.

          • prosewithabbitude

            HA – thanks! I also married at a young age. While I have no major regrets in hindsight it was certainly a silly decision. I had kept telling myself I was done with relationships, and I certainly wasn’t actively seeking one. My current boyfriend was also previously married which I think also helps our relationship.

  4. I can totally relate to your bed sizing issue. I once lived in an apartment where my bedroom was big enough for 2 KING beds. I moved in with a stinky little twin. It was then that I realized that it was time for me to put my big girl pants on and leave my twin days behind.

  5. Congrats on the new bed and thanks for sharing these wonderful (and valuable) lessons learned!

  6. It’s not until you have the best mattress you realise what you’ve been missing out on.
    Ps I’d pay to the pup

  7. I also had brand new mattress delivered to my front door. I have always slept in a queen sized bed since i rocked my crib into pieces, but my last mattress was a hand me down hand me down. This is worse than just a hand me down. It sagged in the middle so anytime I had company, we would roll towards one another and wake up a sweaty uncomfortable mess. You cannot put a price on good sleep or a good mattress seeing as though we spend around 1/3 of our lives sleeping. I’m glad you upgraded!!

    • Oh no! That sounds so terrible. I really believe one of the worst feelings in the world is waking up sweaty. All you want to do is either run to the bathroom, or never get out of bed again.

  8. How old was it when you started to play nice with your brother? I, too, have a brother (younger) and by the time I was nice to him, he started being mean to punish me for all the times I was a bad sister to him. Truthfully, I wish we shared a closer sibling bond but maybe it’s just because he’s still in his teenage years. What are your thoughts?

    • I played nice with my brother up until I was a teenager. By that time too many negative moments had happened to be nice all the time. Sometimes it’s easier as a child to get along… once you’re a teenager/adult you have more comprehension of your differences and challenges you face against one another.

  9. Pingback: The Most Magical Place on Earth. | The Siren's Tale

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