Discovering Yourself.

Ask any adult over the age of 40 years old, and they will kindly let you know that your twenties are years designed for growing. For making mistakes and learning new lessons, for discovering the bits and pieces of yourself that are hidden under years of conformity, for really finding out what your piece of happiness is, and how to pursue it.

With a sense of rushing waters at my back, I am quickly approaching the exit of my twenties stage in life. At absolute minimum,ย  I am preparing for my final encore before I awkwardly embrace another decade of life.

great fear of shallow living
While I’ve spent a good portion of my twenties attempting to figure out where I belong, I’m beginning to realize my focus has been wrong all along. From desperately seeking love, to a career change that changed my perspectives, my focus was never on discovering myself. Discovering what I love, what truly makes me happy, and what life’s purpose is in my mind.

This isn’t me, at all. I’m not a business girl. I’ve been stuffing myself into this horrible 9 to 5 suit for years, attempting to do ‘the right thing’. But the right thing for who?” I asked my guy, as I tumbled out reckless thoughts one night, desperate to have someone hear my real dreams and life vision. Secretly fearful of admitting career and educational pursuits that aren’t passions, but simply paychecks.

i want to live

He put his warm hand over the top of mine and smiled. His eyes always crinkle in the corners from years of sunshine, hard work, and laughter. He rubbed his thumb gently over my hand and asked softly, “What do you want to do then?”

And I unraveled my dreams. From an animal sanctuary farm life, to a locally based coffeehouse, I poured out every wish and bit of happiness I had collected through the years, unbeknownst to me. Warmth filled the room as I opened my heart and he intently listened, nodding in the most perfectly timed moments.

My mouth couldn’t keep up with my mind. Spinning thoughts of being a writer, a coffeehouse owner, a farmer, and a holistic healer poured out in jumbles of words, thoughts, and ideas.

greatness takes time
As I caught my breath and slowed my racing thoughts, I met his eyes once again. Soft touches of adoration and delight swirled in his eyes, as he kissed my forehead and uttered the most beautiful thing I could ever ask to hear…

“It just takes time. You will be all of those things, love. You already are inside.

What are your hidden life dreams?
What does real happiness mean to you?

21 responses to “Discovering Yourself.

  1. When I was a kid, I first wanted to be a princess (sweet, isn’t it?) and then a hairdresser. Now I dream of being a writer and poet, selling my own books and poems worldwide ^^ But I also dream of having a job I love and that at the same time pays the bills. And of a happy family life, and, and, and… Well, let’s say I have a lot of dreams. But nothing wrong with that, right? Everyone should have some dreams! =)

  2. I sincerely miss my 20’s. When they ended it wasn’t such a big deal, because really the first day of my thirties wasn’t much different than the last day of my 20’s. But the further I am from that decade of my life, the more I can see the unique purpose that those years held.

    In my 40’s, my goals are not so much noticeable accomplishments, but incremental steps in self awareness. In particular, learning how to rediscover a vibrancy that I shed after marriage and children. Happiness – it seems that at every stage we are seeking and defining it.

    • Life does seem to be a windy road of self discovery and pursuing happiness. It can be frightening and enticing all at once. As long as we never forget to dream, we will always have an adventure to look forward to ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. That’s so wonderful and supportive and even gave me a flicker of encouragement! I’ve been struggling with very similar concerns about my life’s direction and love how inspired and excited you are to take on a new adventure for yourself. My fiancรฉ and I have grand plans to start our own business and I know it takes time, but I’m so ready to get started!

  4. May I join you? I mean you are already so wise and I love that you already know that sitting in that 9-5 environment will not have you thriving. Here I sit a decade or so ahead of you, in my office wondering just how to be brave enough to get out. I adored this post! Plus the Oscar Wilde quote. SO GOOD. Plus you changed the look of your page. I love change. I change mine every so often too.

    • Aww thank you for your kind words! I’m an old soul and often feel my biological years don’t match my mindset. But in this situation, it’s helpful. I quickly know when I’m in the right (or wrong) place. The real challenge is how to get out of the wrong and into the right. The path will be long and bumpy, but the day you can say “I’m exactly where I should be”, it will all be worth it!

      Glad you like the new look!

  5. Beautiful. I love the Anaรฏs Nin quote and the quote at the very end. I’m discovering myself that life is far less about the “defining” or “creating” ourselves than it is about simply learning how to step more fully into the women we ALREADY are. That is the secret. That is the most liberating realization. Sometimes we just need permission to be who we already are. Work toward THAT vision, development THAT character, rather than squeezing into that “suit” someone else laid out for you. I know the feeling very well. I shed my “55+ hours a week, corporate suit” last year. Best thing I ever did for myself. I just turned 26 and I’ve just begun to explore what it means to give myself permission to be myself. To pursue MY dreams. To embrace MY passions. To just be… ME.

    Best of luck on your journey! I hope it’s liberating and exhilarating and every ounce of YOU.

    • You’re so right. Everything I want to be I already am, I just need to find the path to get there. Kudos for shedding the corporate suit! Of all the business suits I’ve tried since 19, I have to say corporate was the hardest. The hours, the demands, the personalities… It was all too much. It must feel amazing to be unleashing the real you!

  6. LOVE this! I struggle with the exact same thing as my twenties have less than two years before society seems that I’m really meant to “get my act together.” This is a very stressful time of self discovery and I applaud you for admitting it. Just what I needed to read today. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Being in my 30s I can honestly say that one never stops growing unless they want to, and once you struggle with health issues, happiness is simply being healthy and enjoying the “small” things, such as the sun shining or the rain drops ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. when I was 19 or twenty I had a list of things I wanted to do and try and be… that list is almost complete… at 45 I actualy had to take time to make a new one… Time has a way of filling in the blanks for us. I hope that like me you are able to reach most if not all of those dreams and NOW is the time to start pursueing them! if not you end up at 50 freaking out that you lived the wrong life and never reached for your dreams.. start with something you love and the rest will fall into place

  9. My twenties were such a mess, but they were also truly beautiful. I wish I could say I found myself in my twenties, and I did, in a way–and then promptly lost myself in the hustle and trying to climb the corporate ladder. My thirties have been interesting, because I got what I thought I wanted careerwise and ended up turning away from it because… you know what? That wasn’t really me, either.

    Best of luck in your journey into the thirties. : )

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