I’ve always taken pride in the number of plates I keep spinning simultaneously in life. Blame the perfectionist, OCD-esque personality inside of me, but there’s some sort of satisfaction that comes with mimicking Superman daily.
The slippery slope of perfectionism is that no one, not even Clark Kent, can do it all every day. And for those of us that push ourselves to the brink of human ability to be a multitasking extraordinaire, the eventual realization that we can’t conquer it all can be somewhat defeating.
For the first time, I can genuinely say I have completely over-extended myself in life and I’m none too pleased with the effects. Who would have thought how quickly we have to say goodbye to daily essentials like eating, using the restroom, and sleeping, when we over-book ourselves to a point of insanity?
The worst part of it is, no matter who you are, you feel like a complete idiot even referring to how busy your life is. After all, busy doesn’t always equate to bad and plenty of people are fighting tougher battles. But damn it all to hell, part of being human is being a wastebasket of complaints from time to time. I would love to pout, stomp, and yell my way out of my current overflowing plates.
But for now, all I can do is accept. Accept that I took on all these responsibilities and accept that I need to learn the word: no. Since childhood, saying this word makes my skin crawl with fears and anxiety related to the recipient’s reaction. Will they be mad? Disappointed? Annoyed? Cruel?
In response to every question asked of me, my head bobs up and down like a cheap car dashboard decoration, all for fear of letting someone else down. While I want to believe this is a part of my belief system (serve first, lead second), in actuality I know it’s a weakness in my personality; a flaw that interrupts my daily life as I take on more and more of others’ needs.
Now if only I could channel my inner Wonder Woman for self-serving causes…